Family

Can I choose which parent to live with after my parents breakup?

Legal skills Family Housing Parents

Last Reviewed:

June, 2021

Reviewed By:

JES Legal Specialist

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BIG IDEA

The law says your parents and judges must consider things like the stability of the homes, how well your guardians can take care of you as well as your wishes when deciding where you should live

The decision should be about what's best for you

Many people believe that when children turn 12, they can choose which parent they'll live with, but this isn't true.

When your parents are trying to figure out where you'll live after they've separated or got a divorce, or if a judge is deciding, they have to make the decision based on something the law calls the child's best interests. This involves a bunch of things — not just what you want but also your relationship with each parent and their ability to take care of you.

If your parents or the judge think what you want isn't based on good reasons, or there are other important facts related to what's best for you, they can decide on living arrangements that you don't agree with.

Hot Tip

Your voice matters at any age. The older and more mature you get, the more your voice will be taken into account for big decisions, but there’s no minimum age that your views start to matter. 

Tips to Have Your Voice Heard

  • Speak Up About What’s Important to You: For example, if staying at the same school or keeping your extracurriculars is important, let your parents know. This can help them make a better schedule for you.
  • You Don’t Have to Choose Sides: If you feel pressured by your parents to express your views a certain way, tell them it makes you uncomfortable. Ask someone more neutral to help you express yourself.
  • You Don’t Have to Participate If You Don’t Want To: That’s your right too! It’s okay if you want to be left out of it.
  • Take Your Time: It’s okay if it takes time to figure out your views or if they change over time.
  • Explore Different Ways to Be Heard: This could be as simple as talking to your parents, participating in mediations or conferences with a judge, or even having your own lawyer.

So speak up, because your voice is a crucial part of this journey.

Hot Tip

If one parent is making it hard for you to see the other, remember you have a right to spend time with both parents if it’s in your best interests.

Get help

The Children and Youth Legal Centre provides free and confidential legal help for young people who are experiencing problems related to family law, child protection, human rights, and many other legal issues. The centre aims to make sure that the rights, interests, and points of view of children and youth are heard and respected. Services include:

  • legal advice,
  • legal representation (a lawyer to take your case), and
  • referrals to other resources.

Safety

If you’re feeling hopeless, reach out to someone you trust, or text CONNECT to 686868 to reach the counsellors at Kids Help Phone.